Freshmen at my high school all had to take first-year English. As it happens, all new exchange students had to as well. So we had a student in my class, Suteera Nitayananta, who was a senior (I think. I’m amazed that I remembered how to spell her name). She sat in front of me.
We all had to write a paper (and give a short speech) on an assigned topic. I don’t really recall mine, but I remember Suteera’s: premarital sex, which generated the following conversation:
Suteera N: [turns around to ask this] What is premarital sex?
Class of hormone-enhanced rednecks: [LAUGHTER]
Me: Okay…do you know what marital means?
SN: No.
Me: It means “pertaining to or about marriage.” So if something is marital, it refers to being married to someone.
SN: Okay!
Me: “Pre-” is something we add to a word to indicate that it happens before something. So “pre-marital” means “before you are married.”
SN: Okay, that’s good.
Me: Do you know what sex is?
SN: Yes! We have many people in Thailand!
Class: [can’t breathe for laughing]
Me: Well, then, pre-marital sex is engaging in sex before you are married.
SN: Is that bad?
Me: Hey, I’m not writing your damn paper for you!
Class + SN + me + teacher: [pass out from laughing]
To be honest, I have maybe three good memories of high school. That’s one of them. So I thought I’d ask Google about Suteera. Turns out that name is the Thai version of Alan Smithee — mad hits. So I’ve no idea where she is now, but I hope she’s had a good life.