When Worlds Collide

Freshmen at my high school all had to take first-year English. As it happens, all new exchange students had to as well. So we had a student in my class, Suteera Nitayananta, who was a senior (I think. I’m amazed that I remembered how to spell her name). She sat in front of me.

We all had to write a paper (and give a short speech) on an assigned topic. I don’t really recall mine, but I remember Suteera’s: premarital sex, which generated the following conversation:

Suteera N: [turns around to ask this] What is premarital sex?

Class of hormone-enhanced rednecks: [LAUGHTER]

Me: Okay…do you know what marital means?

SN: No.

Me: It means “pertaining to or about marriage.” So if something is marital, it refers to being married to someone.

SN: Okay!

Me: “Pre-” is something we add to a word to indicate that it happens before something. So “pre-marital” means “before you are married.”

SN: Okay, that’s good.

Me: Do you know what sex is?

SN: Yes! We have many people in Thailand!

Class: [can’t breathe for laughing]

Me: Well, then, pre-marital sex is engaging in sex before you are married.

SN: Is that bad?

Me: Hey, I’m not writing your damn paper for you!

Class + SN + me + teacher: [pass out from laughing]

To be honest, I have maybe three good memories of high school. That’s one of them. So I thought I’d ask Google about Suteera. Turns out that name is the Thai version of Alan Smithee — mad hits. So I’ve no idea where she is now, but I hope she’s had a good life.