When I’m not busy biking, coding, or radiating RF directly into the neighbor’s very annoying dog (NOTE: I DO NOT ACTUALLY DO THIS, even though the howling bastard deserves it), I play music. I play with upwards of five different bands in a year, on several instruments, and in a wide variety of styles. Needless to say, I’ve been around a bit, and yes…I have a day job. Every professional musician I personally know does. That’s how it goes.
Some of the best gigs I’ve ever played have been weddings. I usually played with a group dedicated to that purpose — weddings and private parties. I’m 50, and I was pretty much the youngest most gigs. We had all gotten out of the bar scene due to the enormous amount of time it takes to spend the night sucking up second-hand smoke. Of course, Iowa no longer allows smoking in bars, so I’m willing to revisit the idea, but it’s still a lot of work. Musicians don’t get a lot of credit for the effort required.
Over the years of playing weddings ranging from “royal family” to “low budget, high mileage,” I have learned that weddings simply are not like other gigs. (This is true of private parties in general, but with weddings, you don’t get the leeway you get with other events.) It’s always good to be aware of your venue and your audience, but especially so for post-nuptial parties. If you’re considering booking a wedding, consider the following.
- The band is a bridal accessory. Absolutely nobody present is there to hear you. Period. They are not your fans…they are there for the happy couple. If you act as if things are any other way, you may not get any more wedding gigs as word spreads. And it will.
- A corollary to 1: get a grip on your volume. “If it’s too loud, you’re too old!” won’t cut it. You’re going to have people there ranging from 90 days to 90 years old who showed up to see “the kids” off on their new adventure. They’ll want to visit, talk, eat, and have a good time. If you’re interfering with any of that…you’re in trouble. This isn’t easy…you need to be “loud and proud” for the dancers, but basically background for everyone else.
- Bands hate this, but at most weddings, you’re pretty much a living jukebox. You’ll get requests. You won’t know all of them, but you’d best be prepared to play some of them. Doing so goes a LONG way toward making them happy enough to recommend you to friends.
- The band is a bridal accessory. You are on THEIR schedule, not yours, and certainly not the one they provided you before the gig. I have yet to play a wedding where everything happened as scheduled. (One came close — marriage of a Jewish woman to an Asian man. Most delightfully fun mix of cultures I’ve ever seen. Everyone had a blast.) Be flexible…you won’t start on time, and there will likely be some adjustments as you go. I do recommend that you hold pretty close to your scheduled stopping time. There’s a tendency for everyone to want to keep celebrating…that’s a good sign, in fact. But you can’t let them make you go much over. In fact, the venue staff will doubtless appreciate things ending on time, and probably also the bride and groom — they’ve had a busy day!
- Be on your best behavior when not on stage. No foul language, no commentary on the girl in the very short blue dress (she is at EVERY wedding. Not kidding), no smoking where they can see you (find where the venue staff take smoke breaks, go there). And I shouldn’t have to say this… but NO DRUGS. Personally, I don’t even drink alcohol when working. One drink isn’t a problem, but if something goes wrong, I don’t want that idea to even be in play.
- The band is a bridal accessory…and so it the groom. Sorry, man.
Have fun!